Recently, I gave some unsolicited advice about preparing for and taking care of a newborn. Consider this post the next segment of my suggestions.
- Start trying out a routine around six weeks – For the first few weeks, we basically let Benjamin sleep when he slept and be awake when he was awake (this was easy for us to do since he had his days and nights straight). But really after he turned one month old, he was waking up to the world around him, so I started moving toward giving his little daily life more structure. I created my own routine based on talking to friends, reading Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, and skimming the more controversial Babywise. It was amazing how quickly he adapted to my “suggested” routine for him. He started waking up every morning around 8:15, and would (at that time) take four naps during the day, each one a little shorter than the previous one. Being the structured person that I am, I thrived in this daily routine because I could also plan my own day around it. I didn’t force him into a strict schedule as Babywise suggested; instead, I maintained enough flexibility to adapt Benjamin’s feedings and naps when life didn’t go according to plan.
- Transition your baby to his/her own room early on – One reason that Benjamin adapted so quickly to a routine is that we moved him into his own room when he was three weeks old. I thought that would be a difficult move for me to make, since up to that point I was a little obsessed with leaning over and staring into his bedside bassinet at night to marvel at how perfect and precious he was! It was Brad’s idea to move him out of our room so early – he was low pressure about it – “just try it for one night and see what happens.” What happened is that I had the best night’s sleep that I had had since we brought Benjamin home. I saw the value of a good night’s sleep, and managed to avoid walking across the house to check on him every five minutes. (I just turned the monitor up really loud so I wouldn’t miss any move he made.) Anyway, I think it’s healthy to add this mother/child boundary sooner rather than later. Of course, it depends on your personality and what’s convenient or comfortable for you (and your spouse!). I just think it’s easier to transition your baby to his own room before he is old enough to know that it is happening. I know some people who had a three year old who still wouldn’t sleep in his own room because he was so used to co-sleeping (that’s what they are calling it these days). All I know is that Benjamin loves his nursery, and he always looks relieved when I put him in his crib at night. He’s usually exhausted from a full day, and he loves being in the comfort and familiarity of his room as he drifts off to sleep. Wow – I had a lot to say about this!
- Eat. Play. Sleep. – I am talking about the baby’s activities, not yours. I am a big fan of this order of baby’s events, rather than the other option of play, eat, sleep. It was a struggle at first to keep Benjamin awake during and after his feedings, but before long he didn’t rely on nursing to relax and fall asleep. In fact, as soon as I started the “eat, play, sleep” routine, I wouldn’t have to do much more than swaddle and rock him a couple of minutes, and he would put himself to sleep. (Well, sometimes this involved some crying, but I’ll get to that next.)
- 15 minutes of crying is okay – After a month or so, you start to recognize your baby’s different cries – annoyed, hungry, belly ache, bored, tired, etc. This made it easier to leave a crying Benjamin in his crib – I could tell if he really needed me or not. The amount of time you let your baby cry before you check on them depends on what you can stand; for us it was the 15 minutes rule. (When it was a “hurting” cry I would go in his room before that.) And usually, he would fall asleep before the time was up. Letting Benjamin cry out some of his energy and learn to fall asleep on his own in those early days (six weeks and on) has made things much easier for us now. When it’s time for his nap, we still swaddle him, and sometimes we read him a book, but when we put him in his crib he knows he’s supposed to go to sleep. Sometimes he has teething pain that requires us to go in and soothe him a bit by patting his back, or by giving him Tylenol, but otherwise we can count on him going to sleep for at least 40 minutes and as long as 2 1/2 hours. So as long as your baby isn’t crying in pain or discomfort, letting him “cry it out” for a set amount of time teaches him independence and self-soothing. (Benjamin chews on his hand these days, but he rarely cries at nap time anymore – he just talks to himself.)
- Don’t wait a long time to put your baby in the nursery – For the first couple of months, I enjoyed taking Benjamin into the church service with us. He would sleep in his car seat, or stare around without making any noise. Other times I would nurse him in the “Family Care” room, where it was nice to chat with other moms. But, about the time that Benjamin stopped sleeping during church and started squealing, we knew something would have to change. So, we went ahead and started taking him to the nursery. I think he was about three months old. So far, he has never been distressed about us leaving him in the nursery. My guess is this is because he knows that’s just the way it is. He trusts us to come back for him after 90 minutes. Once he turned six months old, I was able to take him to the “Kids Club” at my gym. He enjoys that, too. In addition to teaching your baby to be comfortable around other caregivers, taking him to the nursery also gives you a break. I always feel a sense of freedom for the hour that Benjamin is in the nursery. There’s something to be said for walking around without a diaper bag and a car seat in your arms.
- It’s never too early to get a babysitter – Brad and I went on our first date when Benjamin was five days old. We left him at home with Nana and went to lunch at Cafe Brazil. We even went to Target afterwards, so I was gone the whole time between my designated feeding times. I am glad we started leaving Benjamin with a sitter early, mostly because it helped me develop healthy boundaries – I learned that he could survive without me for a few hours, and it helped me remember that I have an identity outside of “mommy.” I’d like for me and Brad to go on a date at least once a month. We always have a great time, and it gives us renewed energy to go back home to our parental responsibilities.
- Treat your baby like a person, not an object – This was the best advice that I took from reading Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. It’s always been a pet peeve of mine for people to refer to a baby as “the baby,” when he or she has a name. Talking to your baby is the continuation of this idea of treating them like a person. Actually, this suggestion applies from the moment your baby is born. I don’t know many moms who refer to their baby as “it,” but I am sure many parents don’t start talking to their offspring until he or she develops a little bit of personality. When Brad and I brought Benjamin home, we gave him a tour of the house, introduced him to Chloe, and explained to him how things worked in the Hershey household. From the very beginning, there were times when he was so alert that it seemed like he knew what we were saying to him. He would look up at our faces, right in our eyes, and act very intrigued by what we were saying. Even now, sometimes I find myself drifting into baby talk, but I make an effort to talk to Benjamin in a normal tone of voice. We have conversations all the time now! His end usually goes something like “ah, ah, ma ma ma.” But he certainly enjoys chatting!
So there you have it. Those are the nuggets of advice that I have about caring for a “not a newborn anymore” baby. My next topic, should I get around to it, will be a discussion of baby gear.




































