The End of the Potty Training Road

June 27, 2011 at 5:57 pm (Benjamin, Growth and Development, Parenting)

(Big sigh of relief.) I can now safely and confidently say that Benjamin is potty trained! Our long, frustrating road with this process began two years ago (see my initial, overly positive post here), when we bought a tiny Baby Bjorn training potty after then 15 month old Benjamin expressed some interest in using the potty. That was a very short phase, and after that we didn’t try again until he was over two years old.

Just as we started to make some progress, Peter was born, and the upheaval of life as he knew it made Benjamin lose interest yet again (plus we didn’t have the time and energy to devote to the process…) We kept making excuses about being too busy, and kept postponing the “all in” mentality that is necessary to make potty training work, and so for months we gave a half-hearted effort that really wasn’t going anywhere. (We switched completely to pull-ups during the fall, but he still treated them like diapers.) We tried the reward system, giving him a few M&Ms any time he went on the potty, and we even bought him a toy guitar the first time he pooped on the potty, but these rewards didn’t make any long term difference.

Suddenly, Benjamin was a three year old still wearing pull-ups, who could easily pee pee on the potty, but usually chose to go in his pull-up. Meanwhile, he was still scared of pooping on the potty, and so he would go hide in a corner to go. For awhile we tried to “catch” him in the act and transfer him to the potty, but we decided that was unnecessarily cruel. Instead, we persistently talked positively about the idea of using the potty, figuring that one day he would decide on his own that he’d like to try it.

That day came when we were staying at Mama C and Grandad’s house in Ruston. Mama C decided that we should leave his pull-up off for awhile, because we knew he needed to go. We handed over control to him, telling him that when he was ready he could sit on the potty and go. And that’s what he did a few minutes later! It took a couple more weeks of encouragement and praise, but I am thrilled to report that he hasn’t pooped in his pull-up in over three weeks now!

Once we had cleared that major hurdle, all that was left was for Benjamin to learn to always go pee pee on the potty, and to keep his underwear dry. So, we took the leap and put him in underwear! At first, we would only put it on him for short amounts of time, and only when we were at home. And the first few days, he was having accidents within 30 minutes to an hour of putting it on. I decided to persevere, and deal with cleaning up some messes on the floor. I knew he understood, and I knew he had the ability, and so one morning last week I sat down and told him that he was going to wear his underwear all day, and that he was going to keep it dry. And just to give him some extra motivation, I promised a reward if he succeeded:

  • Day One: ice cream from Coldstone Creamery. I forced him to use the bathroom about once an hour, and so at the end of the day he got his ice cream.
  • Day Two: a ride on the mall carousel. Again, I made sure he went to the bathroom frequently, even though that often meant carrying him to the bathroom and making him stand there and go. But the end of the day came and he was dry, so he had a fun, wonder-filled carousel ride.
  • Day Three: a swim in the apartment complex pool. On this day I backed off a little and let him dictate when he went, to a certain extent. A couple of times when I encouraged him to go, he said, “Mommy, I’ll tell you when I need to go, I promise.” That night, we went swimming at the pool.
  • That was Friday, and now it’s Monday. For the past three days I haven’t offered any rewards. We just put his underwear on when he wakes up in the morning, and he goes to the bathroom about every three hours (I’m amazed he can hold it that long!), or any time we are leaving home. He even wears underwear during his nap, but we are still putting him in a pull-up at night. Perhaps we will be finished with that soon, though, because this morning he woke up totally dry.

So here we are. Benjamin is finally potty trained at the late age of three years, three and a half months. It’s been nice to not have two diapers to change every time we leave the house. It will be nice to not shell out money for pull-ups every month. But most of all, I am thrilled that I no longer have to change those stinky, adult sized poops!

I am one of the last people who should give out advice on how to potty train, since it took me two years to get it right with Benjamin. Instead of giving some step by step list that guarantees success (I don’t think such a thing exists), I’ll just share what I’ve learned through this process:

  • You can’t force it to happen.
  • It requires great patience.
  • You can watch for the signs that your child is ready, but even if they are physically ready, it won’t happen until they are mentally ready to handle it.
  • In Benjamin’s case, he didn’t see pull-ups as training pants – he saw them as another form of diapers, the only difference being that he could put them on himself. So for us, the months and months we spent putting him in pull-ups were mostly a waste of time and money.
  • What really worked for us was putting him in underwear (this wouldn’t have worked if he wasn’t ready). Once he felt how comfortable it was to stay dry and not wear a bulky diaper or pull-up, he wanted to do what was necessary to stay that way. The first few days he tested us by peeing in his underwear, but at least he usually went to a tile floor instead of going on the carpet. Once he saw that we weren’t giving up and putting him back in pull-ups, he changed his tune and stopped having “accidents.”
  • Positive reinforcement is important – When Benjamin started pooping on the potty, and when he kept his underwear dry, we were quick to praise him, and did so often. On the other hand, we tried not to complain or criticize him when he had accidents. These positive words gave him some extra confidence to become fully potty trained.

Maybe if the stuff of life hadn’t come along when it did (Peter’s birth, selling the house, moving, etc.), Benjamin would have been potty trained a year ago, but then again, maybe not. If it really is more about him being ready, rather than about what we do to make it happen, then maybe it doesn’t really matter what techniques we use. In the end, it was as if someone flipped a switch in Benjamin’s mind from “totally resistant” to “totally ready.” Basically overnight, he developed the ability to stay dry, hold it in, and go when it was time. So maybe the best advice is to wing it, be encouraging, and wait for the right moment to jump all in!

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A Good Day

June 15, 2011 at 5:02 pm (Diversions, Family)

I woke up to the sound of Peter crying at 6 a.m. this morning. I could have buried my head under the pillow and griped about the early wake up call, but instead I decided to make the most of the day. Life is more fun when you focus on the positive and appreciate the simple moments that make up a typical day. Here are a few positives that I’ve been dwelling on today:

  • The sun shining through my window when I woke up, signaling a bright, beautiful day
  • “Talking” and snuggling with Peter after his first feeding of the day
  • Having 15 minutes of uninterrupted conversation with Brad over coffee (before Benjamin woke up)
  • The feeling of accomplishment when I had put a load of laundry in the washer and dryer by 8:45 a.m.
  • Making a healthy, hearty breakfast to share with Benjamin: oatmeal with bananas and maple syrup, fried eggs over toast, and fresh squeezed grapefruit juice
  • Our tour of Benjamin’s new preschool was made more exciting when the director received word that a skunk was loose on the church grounds. We had to move inside quickly! Never caught a glimpse of the skunk, but we certainly smelled him!
  • Sharing a yogurt parfait from McDonald’s with Benjamin while sitting on a shady sidewalk at the park
  • Playing on the playground with Benjamin (this is great exercise for grown-ups, too!)
  • Watching Peter laugh and enjoy the breeze at the park
  • Listening to Elvis music with Benjamin during lunch
  • Letting Benjamin help mash up a banana for Peter’s lunch
  • Singing to Peter while he laid his head on my shoulder at nap time
  • Drinking a cup of coffee, talking to Mom on Skype, and sharing the sofa with Chloe during the boys’ naps

A big positive today was the news that our offer on a house was accepted! This is the first step of several, since it’s a short sale that has to be approved by the lender before we can move forward, but we have cleared the biggest hurdle! This is our third offer on a house out here, so hopefully this one will work out.

Today is one of those days that I’m very thankful to be a stay at home mom. These early years don’t last forever – before I know it the boys will be school age and wanting to hang out with their friends instead of their silly mom. I want to fully absorb these formative years with them. I’m working on making our home a more fun, engaging place. I have big plans to introduce more spontaneity, crafts, outdoor adventures, etc. It will have to be baby steps, since I stay pretty busy just keeping up with the basics, but we’ll get there a little at a time.

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Settling In

June 11, 2011 at 10:34 pm (Family)

We have been in Valencia almost two weeks now, and we are starting to settle into a routine. And we’re learning that the weather really is as great as everyone says it is (helps us forget for awhile that we are missing all our friends and family!). While our old city of Dallas has been baking in near 100 degree heat every day, we have yet to break 80 degrees here! In fact, I think the high so far has been 78. The weather has been consistently pleasant, with lows in the mid 50s and highs in the mid 70s. Based on the forecast, it looks like we’ll start to “heat up” in the next few days, which means highs in the low to mid 80s.

So what have we been doing with all these beautiful sunny days? The first several days I felt compelled to spend every free moment unpacking boxes, but now we’ve mostly finished that task. Now if we could only make room for the boxes we want to keep in the garage… Despite being busy unpacking, decluttering, repacking, tearing down boxes, etc., we’ve made time to go outside every day. The boys and I have gone for walks on the trail adjacent to our apartment complex, and we’ve spent time in the park and playground next to our building.

Let me back up and describe how our moving day went. It was quite an adventure! On the morning of Tuesday, May 31, we packed up all our gear at Cara’s house, and she drove us to the airport. The list of things we carried with us when she dropped us off included: three suitcases, one large backpack, Benjamin’s Diego backpack, my diaper bag, one laptop bag, one pet carrier (carrying a sedated Chloe!), two car seats, a stroller, a three year old, and a nine month old. I was so stressed out about all this in the days leading up to moving day. But it actually worked out just fine. We checked two suitcases and the car seats, and one of those handy luggage carts helped us maneuver through security and to our gate with the rest of our load. I mentioned Chloe’s sedative before. It worked like a charm! We had tested it out a couple of days before, and were surprised that it didn’t put her to sleep, just relaxed her. And it did its job on travel day. She never complained – during the flight, on the drive to Valencia, or during our orientation in the apartment leasing office. The boys did well, too. We weren’t able to get seats together, but Brad and Benjamin were across the aisle from me and Peter. Peter slept off and on, and Benjamin alternated between watching videos and asking Brad LOTS of questions. He was fascinated by flying!

After we got the keys to our apartment and checked out the place, we made an unpleasant trip to Walmart to pick up necessities like toilet paper, trash bags, and milk. It was unpleasant because we were all tired, and Benjamin was therefore in a terrible mood – lots of screaming, whining, and disobeying. Things settled down by dinner time, when we enjoyed eating outside at Chipotle, surrounded by mountains and our new city. The cool air was refreshing after our long day. We spent the night at Embassy Suites, so Chloe had the apartment all to herself.

The next morning we met the movers at the apartment around 8:30, and by 2:30 they were finishing up. They unloaded everything, assembled furniture, moved certain items into our garage for storage, and were otherwise very helpful in getting us moved in. The boys were able to take their afternoon nap in their own beds, and we enjoyed a coffee break, drinking coffee from our very own Grind ‘n Brew coffeemaker. Ah…. For the first half of the day, we had help with the boys. Jared, whose family used to live in Ruston, drove down from Bakersfield and kept Benjamin entertained and out of trouble. What a lifesaver he was! His presence freed me and Brad up to direct the movers where to put furniture, when to put something in storage, etc. We stayed at Embassy Suites that night, too, so we didn’t have to worry about finding towels, cereal bowls, etc.

So for the past week and a half, we’ve been enjoying the weather, exploring our new city, and getting used to the new routine. Since Brad worked from home in Dallas, his going into the office is new for all of us. It took about a week for us to fully adjust to the time change. Before then, the boys were trying to wake up between 5 and 6. Now they are waking up between 6:30 and 7. But who can blame them for waking up early when the sky starts to get bright just after 5 a.m.?! Brad goes to work between 8 and 9 and gets home between 5 and 6. His commute is less than ten minutes. I try to keep the boys entertained during the day, and I enjoy a two hour break in the afternoon, since they usually take a nap at the same time. I always need this break, because Benjamin has been a handful, to say the least. I don’t know if it’s the move, just the fact that he’s three, or a combination of the two, but he is really something: chirping, screaming, hitting, pinching, biting clothing and furniture, throwing huge tantrums in public. Sometimes we have no idea how to handle him, but we are doing the best we can and trying to make sure he feels loved and secure during this transition.

We’ve continued house hunting, and hope to find something by the time our three month lease ends here. But for now, we are quite comfortable in our three bedroom/two bathroom apartment. It has a great view of mountains and a bike trail, and is relatively quiet. By 5:00 in the evening, we can open our windows,  let in cool air, take in the view, and relax. Our family of four is having fun on our California adventure so far, but when we get homesick we can always hop on Facebook, Skype, or our cell phones.

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Peter at Ten Months Old

June 10, 2011 at 5:01 pm (Development, Peter)

Peter at ten months old

Peter hit the ten month mark last weekend, while we were busy unpacking boxes at our new apartment. During the past month, his 6th and 7th teeth appeared (he has four on top, three on bottom). The biggest change for him lately is that he is now pulling up on everything, and starting to cruise around a bit. His cousin Braylen taught him these skills when we were staying at Cara’s house Memorial Day weekend. So now he easily entertains himself by crawling from room to room, playing with whatever he can find, and pulling up on anything above floor level.

Our apartment has a nice balcony area, and we bought an outdoor rug to make it more baby friendly. Since the weather has been so nice (mid 50s to mid 70s!), we’ve been leaving the patio door open, and Peter can crawl in and out to play with his toys.

He has a mischievous streak that comes out whenever I am telling him not to do something. When I say, “Peter, no sir,” he grins at me and shakes his head “no.” It’s very cute, but at least he sometimes actually listens to me. Right now the biggest no no for him is messing with our sound system buttons.

He seems to have a virus right now – low grade fever and a rash – maybe roseola. He’s been a bit fussy, but otherwise is doing well. His sleep schedule shifted around because of the time change, and it hasn’t quite shifted back yet. Some mornings he tries to wake up at 5:30, but most days he sleeps until between 6:30 and 7. He takes a 1 1/2 hour morning nap around 9, and a 2 to 3 hour afternoon nap around 1:30. He’s ready for bed between 8:30 and 9.

He is still eating well. I nurse him every 3 or 4 hours, and he enjoys sweet potato puffs, rice cereal, and baby food fruits and veggies. He enjoys mashed up banana and avocado, and I hope to introduce more homemade pureed food and table food soon.

I haven’t had his weight checked in awhile, but he’s definitely slimming up from his increased activity with crawling and pulling up.

Peter is still a mama’s boy, and he’s suspicious of strangers. Even when he likes someone new, he plays shy and puts his head down on our shoulder. And it is clear that he loves his big brother. No matter how many times Benjamin hits or pinches him :-(   Peter continues to follow him around and study his every move.

Reading a book with Grandad and Benjamin

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