Adventures in Potty Training

June 22, 2009 at 4:10 pm (Benjamin, Growth and Development, Parenting)

Benjamin seems skeptical as Brad explains how this whole potty thing works.

Benjamin seems skeptical as Brad explains how this whole potty thing works.

“Potty training” and “15 month old boy” aren’t two phrases you hear used together very often. And it’s not like I had been planning to start potty training Benjamin so early. But, since he was showing signs that he was ready, we decided to give it a shot. A couple of weeks ago, Benjamin started telling me he had a dirty diaper by pointing at it. He would continue pointing at it until I got around to changing it. It was as if he were saying, “Come on, Mom. Get this thing off of me!” He now also tells me when he has a wet diaper. Methinks he is learning that a dry, clean diaper is more comfortable.

Here’s the “Potty Training Readiness Checklist” I consulted at babycenter.com:

Physical signs
Is coordinated enough to walk, and even run, steadily.
Urinates a fair amount at one time.
Has regular, well-formed bowel movements at relatively predictable times.
Has “dry” periods of at least three or four hours, which shows that his bladder muscles are developed enough to hold urine.

Behavioral signs
Can sit down quietly in one position for two to five minutes.
Can pull his pants up and down.
Dislikes the feeling of wearing a wet or dirty diaper.
Shows interest in others’ bathroom habits (wants to watch you go to the bathroom or wear underwear).
Gives a physical or verbal sign when he’s having a bowel movement such as grunting, squatting, or telling you.
Demonstrates a desire for independence.
Takes pride in his accomplishments.
Isn’t resistant to learning to use the toilet.
Is in a generally cooperative stage, not a negative or contrary one.

Cognitive signs
Can follow simple instructions, such as “go get the toy.”
Understands the value of putting things where they belong.
Has words for urine and stool.
Understands the physical signals that mean he has to go and can tell you before it happens or even hold it until he has time to get to the potty.

Benjamin is exhibiting all of the physical signs, except for maybe the last one. I’m not really sure how long his dry periods are. I do know they are longer than they used to be, but before he can be fully potty trained, we’ll probably have to wait for his bladder muscles to strengthen more. For the behavioral signs, he fits the babycenter profile except that he can’t pull his pants up and down. That’s mainly because he usually wears one-piece outfits still! But he is definitely interested in being independent, and tells us when he is dirty, and is even starting to tell me when he is either going pee pee or needs to go. And finally, he also fits all the cognitive signs, although he doesn’t say “pee pee” and “poopy” yet.

Shopping for a Potty:

  • I quickly discovered that training potties range from basic to elaborate. I was amused by the potty that plays a song as a reward when the child successfully uses the potty. I was overwhelmed by a potty that had about five different features, including a toilet paper holder and built-in wipes dispenser. I laughed out loud when I spotted a toddler-sized urinal!

  • I settled on the simplest potty I could find: the Baby Bjorn Little Potty. At $12.99, it seemed like a practical, low-risk purchase. And so far, it has been.

The No Pressure, No Expectations Strategy:

  • When we started this potty training business a week ago, all I did was asked Benjamin if he wanted to sit on the potty before and after his bath. And so, every night for the past week, he has done just that. The Baby Bjorn potty conveniently fits in our bathroom cabinet, so we just pull it out when the time comes, and we also keep a stack of books nearby. (If there are no books, Benjamin gets bored and wanders off.)
  • We haven’t forced him to do anything. He willingly sits on his potty, and when he’s tired of sitting, he reaches his arms out for help standing up. (Even though it’s a tiny potty it’s still a little difficult for him to pull himself to standing from it.) We always praise him for sitting on the potty like a big boy.

A Few Moments of Success:

  • For the first four days, nothing happened. But then, on day five, Benjamin surprised me when, after drinking a sippy cup full of apple juice, he indicated that he wanted to go sit on the potty. He did this by pointing at his diaper and then standing by the closed bathroom door. So, I got him situated on the potty, and within a couple of minutes, he was peeing! I never knew I’d be so excited about urination. :)   Even more impressive, after he was finished, he wiped himself with a tissue he had been holding, and while doing so said, “Mama.” He has learned the correct potty process from watching me.
  • Two days ago, we were in the play room when Benjamin suddenly started patting his diaper and running to the bathroom. By the time I took his diaper off and put him on the potty about 30 seconds later, I discovered that his diaper was still warm from urine. That means that he was either going while he told me he needed to go, or that he went on the way. Either way, I was impressed that he was aware that he needed to go.
  • This afternoon, Benjamin again drank a sippy cup full of apple juice. About 30 minutes later, he gave me his “need to go” signals – patting his diaper and running to the bathroom. He sat on his potty, and a minute or so later, he peed! This proved that the first time wasn’t a fluke. He really is “getting it.”
"I can do this!"

"I can do this!"

Now What?:

  • We are so proud of Benjamin for understanding the concepts related to potty training, but we’re not in a hurry for him to be completely out of diapers. So for now, we’ll continue to let him control when he sits on the potty, how long he stays there, etc. If he decides he’s bored with it, we’ll take a break for awhile. If he decides he wants to sit on the potty once an hour, we’ll make the time. We’re just learning as we go.
  • I’m glad we picked up on the signs that he was receptive to trying out potty training. Otherwise, we may have just waited until he was two years old. And who knows, he may still not be fully potty trained until he’s three, but at least we’ve had a small bit of success on one of the biggest hurdles for both parents and toddlers.

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The Fears of a One Year Old

April 29, 2009 at 9:54 am (Benjamin, Parenting, Videos)

Our sweet boy has developed a sensitivity to certain things.

Our sweet boy has developed a sensitivity to certain things.

Until recently, Benjamin seemed fearless – he seemed able to handle anything from being passed over to strangers in the church nursery, to encountering a big dog on a walk. However, over the past few weeks, he has developed some specific fears, and we don’t always know how to respond to calm them.

As an adult, it is hard to see what is so scary about a vacuum cleaner or a shadow on the wall, so my first reaction is to tell him it’s no big deal, that there’s nothing to be afraid of. But, if I do that I’m not really listening to him or acknowleding his feelings on the matter. So I mostly try to snuggle with him and comfort him during these times. Then again, I don’t want to make too big a deal about these situations, or he may think that I’m scared, too. I’d rather him overcome his fears (at his own pace) than me simply remove or adjust the source of his anxiety . So, that’s something we’re working on these days.

Here is a list of the things that Benjamin is currently afraid of:

  • The mouth on his rocking horse – Notice I didn’t say the whole rocking horse – just the mouth. Our neighbor gave us this great horse about a month ago, and Benjamin loves to make it rock back and forth, and he enjoys when we sit him on top of it. But when he makes his way to the front of the horse, his glee is replaced with anxiety. He stares suspiciously at the horse’s open mouth, as if he thinks it’s going to spring to life. If he’s playing with a toy nearby, he’ll stop and stare at the horse every few seconds, to make sure it’s not going to catch him off guard. When he’s really concerned about it, he crawls over to it, tilts his head to the side, and peers intently at the horse’s mouth. It is kind of cute when he does this, but I’m hoping that soon he will decide the horse is always going to stay put.
  • The vacuum cleaner – This is a fear he shares with Chloe. Every time I take out the vacuum, Chloe runs for cover. Perhaps that’s where Benjamin got the idea that he should be concerned, too. He doesn’t run out of the room, but he does stiffen up and get a nervous look on his face. If one of us is holding him during the vacuuming, he clings to us. If he’s on the floor or in his exersaucer playing and the vacuum gets too close to him, he’ll start crying. He doesn’t even like to touch the vacuum when it’s turned off. This fear of his reminds me of similar fears I had as a child, of anything that made a loud noise, including fireworks and popping balloons. (I was too terrified to play the balloon pop relay race that was popular at kids’ events at church.) Like mother, like son?
  • Laying back in the bathtub – This hasn’t been an issue until this week, because Benjamin had been sitting in a bath seat during his baths. However, we decided that he’s now sturdy enough to sit up on his own, with a rubber mat under him to keep him from slipping and sliding. He’s had some trouble with the transition. He won’t move from the spot where I put him down, and when I try to lean him back to easily rinse the shampoo out of his hair, he gets extremely upset. Regardless of how securely I try to hold him, I guess he feels like he’s falling. He struggles to sit back up the whole time, and cries in a real sad, scared way. This is one of the situations that I’d like him to overcome, rather than reverting back to the bath seat. I figure that if I keep bathing him this way, he’ll eventually learn that he’s safe in my arms. In fact, he doesn’t react as strongly when Brad bathes him, probably because he feels more secure in Daddy’s bigger hands and arms.
  • Something in the corner of his nursery – This is the one we haven’t figured out, and it’s only been an issue one night. A few nights ago, I put Benjamin to bed like I always do, and when I left the room he was happy and relaxed. A few minutes later, he was sitting in the corner of his crib staring at the other end, a disturbed look on his face. When I picked him up he started crying and trembling, like he was terrified of something. He has never been afraid of anything in his room at night, so Brad and I were at a loss. We tried to pinpoint the source of his anxiety, but to no avail. He continued to cry for 30 minutes, and I went in to comfort him several times. He’s be fine while I held him, but as soon as I would put him back in his crib he would start screaming again. It broke my heart for him to be so upset and afraid. :(    Thankfully, he finally settled down, went to sleep, and it hasn’t been an issue since. Perhaps it was the shadows on the wall, or maybe he was having a bad dream, and thought it was real. A couple of times since then, he’s peeked over the side of his crib by the wall, as if he’s looking for something. Maybe he thinks something is down there. But hopefully this was a one time thing.

Those are the only fears I can think of at the moment, but there are probably a few others. Thankfully, he’s not afraid of being left with a babysitter or in the church nursery. He enjoys playing with other people and exploring new places. I’d appreciate any suggestions on how we should respond to Benjamin’s fears. As always, we’re learning as we go!

Here’s a video of Benjamin playing with his rocking horse, then taking time out to check out its mouth. The lighting is bad, but you’ll get the idea:

And to end on a positive note, here’s a video of Benjamin snuggling with Brad before bed time. He gives us sweet kisses, and he has a contagious laugh when Daddy tickles him.

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Diary of a Mad White Momma

February 8, 2009 at 12:31 pm (Emily, Parenting)

Brad’s job requires him to travel from time to time. Usually, these trips involve him waking up before the sun rises to catch an early flight, and walking back in the door in time for a late dinner that night. Or, he may have to stay one night whereever it is that he has gone. About three times a year, this pattern is interrupted by a longer, more exotic trip. This week, it was a double whammy: two days in L.A. for training, followed immediately by four days in beautiful San Diego for the annual National Sales Conference. Before Benjamin was born, I would sometimes go with him on these trips, or if not, I could easily avoid loneliness by getting out of the house at a moment’s notice. That’s easier said than done when there’s a baby in the mix.

It’s not so much that caring for Benjamin single-handedly is difficult. He’s a pretty easy going baby. It’s more that I feel like I have been trapped in a cave for six days, with only brief glimpses of the world beyond its confines. Maybe that’s a bit overdramatic. After all, I have Facebook and a cell phone, not to mention a car equipped with a car seat. Nonetheless, I certainly feel stir crazy, if not literally crazy, after so many days of it just being me, a baby, and a lazy cat hanging out together. Here’s a rundown of how we’ve entertained ourselves, as well as a glimpse of how Brad was spending his days:

  • Tuesday – Brad left for the airport around 6:00 p.m., and Benjamin and I didn’t waste much time before getting out of the house. We went over to Patrick and Lindsi’s for some good company and some delicious leftover brisket enchiladas.
  • Wednesday – I had my class that morning, so Cara picked up Benjamin around 8:30 to take him with her to Prestonwood, where she does childcare for a morning Bible study, followed by a lunch time Bible study that she attends. This was Benjamin’s first day to go to the Prestonwood nursery, and also marked the longest consecutive time that he has been in a nursery setting (a little over three hours). He did pretty well, even falling asleep for about 20 minutes, and only cried toward the end of his stay. The rest of the day, we stayed at home, and he took a great afternoon nap to make up for his lost sleep from the morning. That night, Lost kept me company, and even inspired me to write a detailed, analytical post: Lost 5.4: The Little Prince.
  • Thursday – This is where my memory starts to get fuzzy, which means this was the day that the craziness started to set in. I think there was a trip to Target somewhere in there, which probably means that I bought some things that I don’t really need. Thursday night we went to dinner at Cara’s, a delicious Moroccan-themed meal involving chicken and couscous, and an apple torte for dessert.

Brad- When I called him Thursday night, he was hanging out in his hotel lobby in San Diego, high-fiving his co-workers before they headed off for a night on the town.

  • Friday – I found motivation somewhere deep within my lazy bones to go to the gym, and so Benjamin hung out in the Kids’ Club at 24 Hour Fitness while I ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. I actually enjoyed the experience – which is not the norm. I usually give up on the running after 15 minutes and hop over to the less intense elliptical trainer or bike. In the afternoon, we made another trip to Target. I wandered the aisles aimlessly, just to avoid going back home. That night, I invited us to eat with Patrick and Lindsi. (I’m getting pretty good at shamelessly inviting myself over to people’s houses or out to eat.) We ended up at Angelo & Vito’s, a warm and inviting pizza by the slice place. I would eat there again.

Brad enjoyed a memorable evening at Petco Park, the San Diego Padres’ ballpark. His company rented out the facility, from the field to the jumbotron, and all the employees sat in the stands and enjoyed the breezy, California air and the view of the Pacific.

  • Saturday – Before I’d even had a cup of coffee, two things happened simultaneously: Benjamin had a particularly stinky poopy diaper, and Chloe vomited a ridiculous amount of nastiness onto the bathroom floor. Benjamin’s diapers don’t bother me, but Chloe can do some major damage with a hairball and her affinity for throwing up on soft surfaces. (She initially ran into Benjamin’s carpeted bedroom, but I managed to throw her into the bathroom and remove the bathmats before she blew. Unfortunately, I left behind a towel on the floor.) Sapped of my energy for no particular reason (other than having to deal with more bodily waste than one person should have to deal with on a Saturday morning), I couldn’t talk myself into going to kickboxing. Instead, I spent far too much time on Facebook while Benjamin took his morning nap. For lunch, I was thrilled to leave the house, and we joined Mandy at Noodles for lunch, followed by a drink at Fat Straws (I went for my old stand-by, avocado smoothie). The afternoon consisted of me watching the clock, until it was time for us to go to Luke and Natalee’s for dinner. The good food (grilled chicken, couscous, and some amazing dessert involving lady fingers and dark chocolate) was accompanied by good company (Luke, Natalee, Elisa, Ray, and too many boys age four and younger to count). Actually, there were five little boys! Benjamin seemed relieved that he had other little people to play with. There’s only so much a baby can take of hanging out with a weary, crick in the neck Mama. Yes, the past couple of days I have had a stiff neck which makes it difficult for me to turn my head or act silly with Benjamin.

Brad went on an exhilarating scavenger hunt around San Diego, visiting many famous and historic sites with his co-workers, laughing all the way – ha!ha!ha!

  • Sunday – So, here I am, once again sitting on the loveseat, Chloe sitting on the cushions next to me, and Benjamin sleeping in his crib. We will be going to Lifegroup this afternoon, and by the time we get home, Brad will be approaching DFW, and by the time Benjamin is taking his late afternoon nap, Brad will be driving home at last!

Brad called me from his plane, which he had just boarded. He gave me the highlights of the Saturday night Sales Awards Banquet, which involved a band that played the hits of the ’80s, and some guys dressed up like Devo and Slash. He looks forward to getting home and resuming normal life with me and Benjamin, even though it’s not as extravagant as his time in San Diego has been.

This week, Brad, Benjamin, and I are hitting the road together, for a trip to Lake Charles to meet our new nephew Corbin. We’ll be happy to be taking a family road trip. And here’s hoping that Brad won’t take another long business trip for many months!

If I have any advice for those of you who may find yourselves home alone for long stretches of time with your child while your spouse is away, it is this:

  • Start each day with a cup of coffee; end each day with a glass of wine.
  • Make a point to get out of the house at least once a day.
  • Chat with a friend or family member on the phone at least once a day.
  • And most importantly, act as silly as you can and make a point to play with your child/children. After all, they are in the same boat as you, so you might as well make the most of it!

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Our Baby Gear: An Annotated List

October 24, 2008 at 4:38 pm (Parenting)

As promised (for those of you who are interested in these things), read on for the types and brands of baby gear that we have in our arsenal. For each item, I’ve included a mini review, good things to know, as well as information on how we went about making our selection. I’ll start with pumps and bottles, since feeding your baby is the most important thing!

Breast Pump

  • I recommend a double electric pump, as they are more efficient than other types. I have a Medela Pump in Style, which has been great, but it wouldn’t have been worth the money if I’d bought it new (I bought it used from a friend), since I only use it occasionally now. If you have a friend who could sell you one, you could replace the tubing, which is what I did. It’s totally sanitary with new tubes. I think it was a good choice.
  • If you want to buy a new one, the next best choice is a Lansinoh Double Electric, which costs about $150 at Target.
  • If you want to look at more economical options, you could always rent a pump from a hospital. You buy your own attachments and rent their machine.
  • If you aren’t going to pump very much, you could go with one of the manual or mini electric pumps, which aren’t as efficient. I’ve read that they aren’t even worth the money.
  • Summary on breast pumps: Medela is the best brand, but your choice of pump depends mainly on how much you think you will pump. (This is a purchase you could always wait on until after the baby is born, since you most likely won’t use it right away anyway.)

Bottles

  • We have enjoyed Avent plastic bottles. I’ve heard Dr. Browns are good, too, but I find that Avent bottles aren’t as bulky, so they are easier for traveling and being away from home. There’s been a lot of hoopla over the dangers of plastic bottles lately (something about toxins being released when they are heated), but I’ve not found any hard evidence to support these claims. To me, glass bottles just seem impractical. How long before your baby grabs the bottle and throws it down to shatter on the floor?
  • Be sure to register for some different sizes of nipples. They start with size 1, and we skipped over size 2, and Benjamin is currently using size 3. In addition, register for different sizes of bottles (i.e. 4 oz. and 8 oz.) We just registered for a starter kit that had different sized bottles, nipples, and a bottle cleaning brush.
  • We’ve also been happy with our Avent Express bottle warmer. In my opinion, it’s the easiest way to heat a bottle. I highly recommend this purchase as well. It’s especially convenient for babysitters and dads.

Car Seat/Stroller

  • We’ve been happy with our Graco travel system. We have a Metrolite Graco stroller/car seat base/ carrier combo that has been versatile and easy to use. Some people like to have the smaller, less bulky car seat stroller frame, but then you have to buy another stroller later, etc.
  • Graco is a reliable brand for car seat and stroller. There are much more high end and trendy strollers to choose (did you see the episode of The Office where Dwight safety tested Jan’s $1200 Orbit stroller?), but a good ole Graco was fine for us.
  • Our stroller has held up well on neighborhood walks, and the carrier is very easy to get in and out of the car seat base. One complaint I have is that it took me awhile to figure out how to fold up the stroller. It’s supposed to collapse when you push down on a lever, but for awhile I’d have to do it 10 times before it would work. Even now, I say that I have to “believe” that it’s going to work. I think this may be ineptness on my part more than a flaw in the stroller design.
  • Bottom line – decide how much bulk you want to push around, and choose the color and design you like. We went with a simple blue/gray design – an added bonus is that it hides dirt well!

Bouncy seat/swing/exersauser…..

  • The Eddie Bauer Bouncenette has been the single best baby gear item for us! I highly recommend it. Benjamin still uses it, and has used it since the day he came home from the hospital. It’s a bouncy seat for him to play in, but it also easily converts to a bassinet so he used to take naps in it. I also like that it is toned down colors, so it blends in with our living room, unlike a lot of the “loud” designs of other seats. It is also easily portable. I still move it from room to room, and we’ve taken it on road trips. It’s nice to have a place to sit the baby down when you’re away from home. It even has a mosquito net in case you want to take it outside.
  • View Bouncenette product information here.

  • An exersaucer is another must have. Every baby I know is highly entertained by these contraptions. And they are also good for strengthening their little legs. It’s nice to have a safe place to set the baby down when you need to leave the room.

High chairs

  • We’ve been very pleased with our Chicco high chair. It’s cute, relatively small, has wheels for moving it around, is easy to clean, and folds up easily. The one pictured on babiesrus.com is like ours, only ours is brown instead of green.
  • Click here for product information and picture.

Clothing

  • Sleeping attire- For the early months, I’d suggest using nightgowns with the attached “mittens” to keep baby’s hands warm. Benjamin wore nightgowns and socks to bed until he was about 5 months old! The gowns make it easier to change diapers during the night, which you will be doing a lot at first.
  • Register for footed pajamas for size 6-9 months. At this age, Benjamin pulls his socks off and chews on them, so we don’t want to put him to bed in socks. His feet stay nice and warm, and he’s all around cozy.
  • Gowns and footed pjs have been part of our success with Benjamin sleeping well at night. So far he hasn’t worn any two-piece (pants and shirts) pjs. That probably won’t start until he’s 1 year old.
  • Register for some cozy footed outfits for 0-3 months. We loved dressing Benjamin in these during the cold days of March.
  • Since then, he’s practically lived in onesies.
  • Don’t register for cute multi-piece outfits for 0-3 months. Newborns are so tiny and curled up that these clothes just fall off. Save the cute stuff for 3-6 months or beyond.
  • You won’t need any baby shoes at least until he/she is crawling. Benjamin only recently started wearing shoes. The best baby footwear is those sweet slipper shoes:

Books

  • Happiest Baby on the Block – This was the best book I read for advice on soothing fussy babies.
  • Secrets of the Baby Whisperer – I liked this one, too.
  • Caring for Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5 - This is a general reference book by the American Academy of Pediatrics. Brad and I have looked at it several times for peace of mind about various symptoms and behavior. It also describes the development stages from birth to age 5

Diaper Brands
- Huggies are best
- I hate Luvs!
- I’ve heard Pampers are better for girls, but I don’t like how they fit Benjamin

Things we haven’t used much:

  • Swing – I know a lot of people love these, but we haven’t used ours much, and it takes up so much space! Ours was borrowed from someone. Books I read said not to let your baby sleep in the swing, which is probably why we haven’t used it much. I’d say wait until you see what kind of baby you have, and if he/she has trouble sleeping, then maybe purchase one. Or maybe you could borrow from someone so you wouldn’t feel like you are possibly wasting your money.
  • Bumbo – We also borrowed one of these, and Benjamin doesn’t like it. He likes to be on the go, rather than confined to a seat.
  • Playmat Gyms – We have gotten by without one of these extravagant contraptions. Benjamin has enjoyed playing with them at other people’s houses, but at home we just throw some toys on a quilt for him. Takes up less space.

Other things we’ve enjoyed having:

  • Pack n Play – It’s nice to have one of these, but go with one of the basic versions rather than the $200 ones with all the bells and whistles. It would be nice to have one set up in your room for the first few weeks
  • Diaper Champ – We’ve been happy with this diaper pail because it uses regular trash bags and holds in the odor pretty well. (With Diaper Genie you have to buy special bags.) Now we only put Benjamin’s wet diapers in there. His dirty ones go straight in a baggie and to the outside trash!
  • Fisher Price Baby Monitor - This was a necessity for us, and it was very reliable until one of our monitors shorted out on us a few months ago. The other one still works fine, and I would have been able to replace the faulty one (it’s under a one year warranty) if I hadn’t lost the receipt. :(
Benjamin saw his Baby Einstein toy in a whole new light when he sat up!

Benjamin saw his Baby Einstein toy in a whole new light when he sat up!

  • Baby Einstein Activity Center - This was a gift I didn’t register for, but we’ve liked it! It adjusts to different settings for different stages from small baby all the way to toddler. Click here for product information and picture.

  • “Pull” toys – Like Benjamin’s favorite giraffe toy. They have these everywhere. I think Sassy is a good brand
Benjamin's favorite new place to hang out is sitting up on our bed. We surround him with a fortress of sheets and comforter. He loves it!
  • Books and toys that crinkle – Benjamin loves these as well

  • Baby tub – We bought a cheap, $10 one that folds up for compact storage, and it’s served us well.
  • Baby Bjorn – Putting him in this was a surefire way to soothe Benjamin when he was a newborn. I could go for a walk, play on the Wii, etc. while he was snuggled up on my chest, and he loved it!

  • Receiving blankets – The larger rectangular ones are great for swaddling. We still use them. Pick out a fabric design that you like, because otherwise they are all about the same.

I’m sure I could continue, but I think I’ve covered the basics (and then some). Let me know if you have questions about any other items!

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Baby Gear: Making Sense of the Madness

October 14, 2008 at 8:30 am (Parenting)

It’s been about a year since Brad and I stepped into Babies R Us on a Sunday afternoon, naively thinking we would spend about an hour picking out items for our baby registry. Oh, how silly we were, to think this would be a fun, pleasant Sunday afternoon diversion. We realized we were in over our heads when the nice lady handed us a “Welcome Box,” complete with a book that provided an overview of baby gear. The most overwhelming part of it all was the “Essentials Checklist.” According to Babies R Us, there must have been about 200 items that our baby absolutely couldn’t live without.

After spending several minutes staring blankly at the intimidating list, we decided to start with the “simple stuff” – bottles. Simple was the wrong word to use. We were faced with a wall of plastic bottles, glass bottles, large bottles, small bottles, size 1 nipples, size 3 nipples, different types of nipples, bottle liners, etc…. You get the picture. There is no such thing as simple anymore when it comes to baby products. We did an about face and scurried away from the bottle aisle, feebly scanned a few bibs and wash cloths, and then admitted our ignorance as we walked defeatedly out of the store.

So, how did we ultimately survive the registry item selection process and the mass accumulation of baby gear? Here are some suggestions for you, based on what worked for us:

  • Read Baby Bargains - This book was a sanity saver! It is like Consumer Reports for Baby Gear. I read the whole book in a couple of days, skimming certain parts of it and taking notes on the important stuff, and when I was finished I felt very confident in my newfound knowledge of everything from gliders to diaper pails to high chairs.
  • Take a mom who has “been there, done that” with you to the store – It was a bad idea on my part to have my husband as my initial shopping partner for this baby gear business. If I was overwhelmed when we got there, imagine how he was feeling! On my next attempt, Cara tagged along, and she was able to give me pointers on good brands, unnecessary gadgets, useful accessories, etc.
  • Take the registering process in small doses – What worked best for me was to target a different area of the store each time I went, and after a few trips, I was finished. This was convenient for me since I live five minutes from Babies R Us and Target. (Target wasn’t nearly as overwhelming, but it was my secondary registry.) I was still able to obsess over the details from the comfort of my laptop at home. I enjoyed reading product reviews and revising my online registry.
  • Ask other parents for advice – I asked several friends and family for their opinions about car seats, strollers, toys, everything. That helped me form my own opinions, and their stories gave some examples of how these shiny new products worked in real life.
  • Borrow or accept hand-me-downs as much as you can – Stocking your home for a baby can be crazy expensive, so try to save money where you can. We’ve been so grateful for all the family and friends who have given us so many hand-me-downs. A sampling of the items we borrowed or were given: crib, swing, bouncy seat, exersaucer, Bumbo, clothes from newborn to 3T, and tons of toys. After Benjamin was born, I realized how quickly the baby stages come and go, so it seems silly to spend a huge amount, particularly on bulky items, when your baby will only use them for at most several months. There were some items that we wanted to buy new, like a car seat (for safety reasons) and a glider. So decide which items you want to have a brand new version of, and ask friends and family about the rest.
  • Buy Used – Along the same lines as the previous suggestion, you can save a lot of money while still getting a good product by buying used. You can go the consignment store route, which I plan to do at least for clothes (but they have toys, furniture, strollers, etc., too), go to garage sales, search Craigslist, or buy from people you know.
  • Don’t Feel Like You Have to Have All the “Essentials” – Baby gear is big business these days, second only to weddings, I’d imagine. So there are constantly new “must have” products being released. Take a step back from the madness and ask yourself what you have room for in your house, how long you will use the item, what advice you’ve been given, etc. Also, there’s nothing wrong with not fully stocking your supply ahead of time. Wait and see what your baby’s personality is, and then decide if you want to purchase a swing or a Bumbo. In our case, we are glad we didn’t buy a swing because Benjamin has never been very interested in it. He enjoys sitting and looking out the window from our borrowed swing, but if we turn it on, he reaches over and grabs the bar to stop the motion. (This is his engineer’s mind at work – already figuring out how things work.) We also borrowed a Bumbo, and Benjamin hasn’t used it very much. He likes to be more mobile than the tight fitting little seat allows him to be.

I’ll save my specific recommendations on all things baby gear for another post, but here is a quick preview of what we consider essential/very useful items (aside from the obvious things like a car seat and a crib):

  • Bouncy seat - the best item we have out of all the gear!
  • Swaddling blankets – We just use the receiving blankets, not the official “easy swaddle” blankets, but since we are still half swaddling Benjamin for his naps, we have gotten a lot of use out of these! I’d say you need 4 or 5 of them, since leaky diapers and drool will send them to the laundry pile pretty often. I am a huge fan of swaddling, since even now it can calm Benjamin down when he’s overwhelmed.
  • Toys – I’m referring to teething toys, exploring toys, anything for babies. They are small, so they don’t take up lots of space, and it’s good to have a lot of them to keep a baby with a short attention span (this applies to all of them, I think) entertained. I have only bought a couple of toys myself, a cute little “teething blanket” and some teething rings. The rest were either given as gifts or were literally brought over by the sackful by our generous neighbors.
  • Glider – This was our one splurge among all our purchases. We bought a Dutalier (supposedly the best brand of glider), and we have been very happy. It is so nice to have a comfortable place to nurse Benjamin or to read him a story or to snuggle with him when he’s having teething troubles during the night. We also bought the ottoman, which adds to the comfort factor.

All this was on my mind this week because my sister-in-law Karen emailed me for advice about her registering process. (Karen, I hope that’s all going well!) Stay tuned for more on what products/brands we ended up with, and our opinions of them.

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So Your Baby’s No Longer a Newborn: Now What?

September 30, 2008 at 10:07 am (Parenting)

Recently, I gave some unsolicited advice about preparing for and taking care of a newborn. Consider this post the next segment of my suggestions.

  • Start trying out a routine around six weeks – For the first few weeks, we basically let Benjamin sleep when he slept and be awake when he was awake (this was easy for us to do since he had his days and nights straight). But really after he turned one month old, he was waking up to the world around him, so I started moving toward giving his little daily life more structure. I created my own routine based on talking to friends, reading Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, and skimming the more controversial Babywise. It was amazing how quickly he adapted to my “suggested” routine for him. He started waking up every morning around 8:15, and would (at that time) take four naps during the day, each one a little shorter than the previous one. Being the structured person that I am, I thrived in this daily routine because I could also plan my own day around it. I didn’t force him into a strict schedule as Babywise suggested; instead, I maintained enough flexibility to adapt Benjamin’s feedings and naps when life didn’t go according to plan.
  • Transition your baby to his/her own room early on – One reason that Benjamin adapted so quickly to a routine is that we moved him into his own room when he was three weeks old. I thought that would be a difficult move for me to make, since up to that point I was a little obsessed with leaning over and staring into his bedside bassinet at night to marvel at how perfect and precious he was! It was Brad’s idea to move him out of our room so early – he was low pressure about it – “just try it for one night and see what happens.” What happened is that I had the best night’s sleep that I had had since we brought Benjamin home. I saw the value of a good night’s sleep, and managed to avoid walking across the house to check on him every five minutes. (I just turned the monitor up really loud so I wouldn’t miss any move he made.) Anyway, I think it’s healthy to add this mother/child boundary sooner rather than later. Of course, it depends on your personality and what’s convenient or comfortable for you (and your spouse!). I just think it’s easier to transition your baby to his own room before he is old enough to know that it is happening. I know some people who had a three year old who still wouldn’t sleep in his own room because he was so used to co-sleeping (that’s what they are calling it these days). All I know is that Benjamin loves his nursery, and he always looks relieved when I put him in his crib at night. He’s usually exhausted from a full day, and he loves being in the comfort and familiarity of his room as he drifts off to sleep. Wow – I had a lot to say about this!
  • Eat. Play. Sleep. – I am talking about the baby’s activities, not yours. I am a big fan of this order of baby’s events, rather than the other option of play, eat, sleep. It was a struggle at first to keep Benjamin awake during and after his feedings, but before long he didn’t rely on nursing to relax and fall asleep. In fact, as soon as I started the “eat, play, sleep” routine, I wouldn’t have to do much more than swaddle and rock him a couple of minutes, and he would put himself to sleep. (Well, sometimes this involved some crying, but I’ll get to that next.)
  • 15 minutes of crying is okay – After a month or so, you start to recognize your baby’s different cries – annoyed, hungry, belly ache, bored, tired, etc. This made it easier to leave a crying Benjamin in his crib – I could tell if he really needed me or not. The amount of time you let your baby cry before you check on them depends on what you can stand; for us it was the 15 minutes rule. (When it was a “hurting” cry I would go in his room before that.) And usually, he would fall asleep before the time was up. Letting Benjamin cry out some of his energy and learn to fall asleep on his own in those early days (six weeks and on) has made things much easier for us now. When it’s time for his nap, we still swaddle him, and sometimes we read him a book, but when we put him in his crib he knows he’s supposed to go to sleep. Sometimes he has teething pain that requires us to go in and soothe him a bit by patting his back, or by giving him Tylenol, but otherwise we can count on him going to sleep for at least 40 minutes and as long as 2 1/2 hours. So as long as your baby isn’t crying in pain or discomfort, letting him “cry it out” for a set amount of time teaches him independence and self-soothing. (Benjamin chews on his hand these days, but he rarely cries at nap time anymore – he just talks to himself.)
  • Don’t wait a long time to put your baby in the nursery – For the first couple of months, I enjoyed taking Benjamin into the church service with us. He would sleep in his car seat, or stare around without making any noise. Other times I would nurse him in the “Family Care” room, where it was nice to chat with other moms. But, about the time that Benjamin stopped sleeping during church and started squealing, we knew something would have to change. So, we went ahead and started taking him to the nursery. I think he was about three months old. So far, he has never been distressed about us leaving him in the nursery. My guess is this is because he knows that’s just the way it is. He trusts us to come back for him after 90 minutes. Once he turned six months old, I was able to take him to the “Kids Club” at my gym. He enjoys that, too. In addition to teaching your baby to be comfortable around other caregivers, taking him to the nursery also gives you a break. I always feel a sense of freedom for the hour that Benjamin is in the nursery. There’s something to be said for walking around without a diaper bag and a car seat in your arms.
  • It’s never too early to get a babysitter – Brad and I went on our first date when Benjamin was five days old. We left him at home with Nana and went to lunch at Cafe Brazil. We even went to Target afterwards, so I was gone the whole time between my designated feeding times. I am glad we started leaving Benjamin with a sitter early, mostly because it helped me develop healthy boundaries – I learned that he could survive without me for a few hours, and it helped me remember that I have an identity outside of “mommy.” I’d like for me and Brad to go on a date at least once a month. We always have a great time, and it gives us renewed energy to go back home to our parental responsibilities.
  • Treat your baby like a person, not an object – This was the best advice that I took from reading Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. It’s always been a pet peeve of mine for people to refer to a baby as “the baby,” when he or she has a name. Talking to your baby is the continuation of this idea of treating them like a person. Actually, this suggestion applies from the moment your baby is born. I don’t know many moms who refer to their baby as “it,” but I am sure many parents don’t start talking to their offspring until he or she develops a little bit of personality. When Brad and I brought Benjamin home, we gave him a tour of the house, introduced him to Chloe, and explained to him how things worked in the Hershey household. From the very beginning, there were times when he was so alert that it seemed like he knew what we were saying to him. He would look up at our faces, right in our eyes, and act very intrigued by what we were saying. Even now, sometimes I find myself drifting into baby talk, but I make an effort to talk to Benjamin in a normal tone of voice. We have conversations all the time now! His end usually goes something like “ah, ah, ma ma ma.” But he certainly enjoys chatting!

So there you have it. Those are the nuggets of advice that I have about caring for a “not a newborn anymore” baby. My next topic, should I get around to it, will be a discussion of baby gear.

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