And Baby Makes Three

Our sweet boy has developed a sensitivity to certain things.

Until recently, Benjamin seemed fearless – he seemed able to handle anything from being passed over to strangers in the church nursery, to encountering a big dog on a walk. However, over the past few weeks, he has developed some specific fears, and we don’t always know how to respond to calm them.

As an adult, it is hard to see what is so scary about a vacuum cleaner or a shadow on the wall, so my first reaction is to tell him it’s no big deal, that there’s nothing to be afraid of. But, if I do that I’m not really listening to him or acknowleding his feelings on the matter. So I mostly try to snuggle with him and comfort him during these times. Then again, I don’t want to make too big a deal about these situations, or he may think that I’m scared, too. I’d rather him overcome his fears (at his own pace) than me simply remove or adjust the source of his anxiety . So, that’s something we’re working on these days.

Here is a list of the things that Benjamin is currently afraid of:

• The mouth on his rocking horse – Notice I didn’t say the whole rocking horse – just the mouth. Our neighbor gave us this great horse about a month ago, and Benjamin loves to make it rock back and forth, and he enjoys when we sit him on top of it. But when he makes his way to the front of the horse, his glee is replaced with anxiety. He stares suspiciously at the horse’s open mouth, as if he thinks it’s going to spring to life. If he’s playing with a toy nearby, he’ll stop and stare at the horse every few seconds, to make sure it’s not going to catch him off guard. When he’s really concerned about it, he crawls over to it, tilts his head to the side, and peers intently at the horse’s mouth. It is kind of cute when he does this, but I’m hoping that soon he will decide the horse is always going to stay put.
• The vacuum cleaner – This is a fear he shares with Chloe. Every time I take out the vacuum, Chloe runs for cover. Perhaps that’s where Benjamin got the idea that he should be concerned, too. He doesn’t run out of the room, but he does stiffen up and get a nervous look on his face. If one of us is holding him during the vacuuming, he clings to us. If he’s on the floor or in his exersaucer playing and the vacuum gets too close to him, he’ll start crying. He doesn’t even like to touch the vacuum when it’s turned off. This fear of his reminds me of similar fears I had as a child, of anything that made a loud noise, including fireworks and popping balloons. (I was too terrified to play the balloon pop relay race that was popular at kids’ events at church.) Like mother, like son?
• Laying back in the bathtub – This hasn’t been an issue until this week, because Benjamin had been sitting in a bath seat during his baths. However, we decided that he’s now sturdy enough to sit up on his own, with a rubber mat under him to keep him from slipping and sliding. He’s had some trouble with the transition. He won’t move from the spot where I put him down, and when I try to lean him back to easily rinse the shampoo out of his hair, he gets extremely upset. Regardless of how securely I try to hold him, I guess he feels like he’s falling. He struggles to sit back up the whole time, and cries in a real sad, scared way. This is one of the situations that I’d like him to overcome, rather than reverting back to the bath seat. I figure that if I keep bathing him this way, he’ll eventually learn that he’s safe in my arms. In fact, he doesn’t react as strongly when Brad bathes him, probably because he feels more secure in Daddy’s bigger hands and arms.
• Something in the corner of his nursery – This is the one we haven’t figured out, and it’s only been an issue one night. A few nights ago, I put Benjamin to bed like I always do, and when I left the room he was happy and relaxed. A few minutes later, he was sitting in the corner of his crib staring at the other end, a disturbed look on his face. When I picked him up he started crying and trembling, like he was terrified of something. He has never been afraid of anything in his room at night, so Brad and I were at a loss. We tried to pinpoint the source of his anxiety, but to no avail. He continued to cry for 30 minutes, and I went in to comfort him several times. He’s be fine while I held him, but as soon as I would put him back in his crib he would start screaming again. It broke my heart for him to be so upset and afraid.    Thankfully, he finally settled down, went to sleep, and it hasn’t been an issue since. Perhaps it was the shadows on the wall, or maybe he was having a bad dream, and thought it was real. A couple of times since then, he’s peeked over the side of his crib by the wall, as if he’s looking for something. Maybe he thinks something is down there. But hopefully this was a one time thing.

Those are the only fears I can think of at the moment, but there are probably a few others. Thankfully, he’s not afraid of being left with a babysitter or in the church nursery. He enjoys playing with other people and exploring new places. I’d appreciate any suggestions on how we should respond to Benjamin’s fears. As always, we’re learning as we go!

Here’s a video of Benjamin playing with his rocking horse, then taking time out to check out its mouth. The lighting is bad, but you’ll get the idea:

And to end on a positive note, here’s a video of Benjamin snuggling with Brad before bed time. He gives us sweet kisses, and he has a contagious laugh when Daddy tickles him.